*Excerpt from my League of Legends fanfiction, Those Minions. It was a bonus chapter for the holidays (although not a Christmas-related plot).

The Strongest Minion in Runeterra

There is a legend, set before the current seasons of League of Legends.

A legend about the strongest minion to ever land foot on Runeterra.

One that helped spawn the strongest army of minions that had ever existed, so powerful that they had been nerfed instantly and obliterated from existence.

To so powerful a soldier, a proverbial minion god

What kind of name could this legend possess?


 

“Hey, he’s waking up.”

“Shut the fuck up! You know why he’s waking up? Cause you’re fucking blabbing your mouth off, that’s why!”

“You’re one to talk! You have the loudest voice here, FUCKFACE!”

“WHAT WAS THAT, CUNTHOLE? SAY THAT AGAIN TO MY FACE.”

“Your fuckface.”

“Is it really a fuckface?”

“Yeah. You totally look like you want to do someone right now. Were you beating it to Sona or something?”

“How’d you know!?”

“Ughh…”

The voices were warbled at first. But now they were becoming clearer and clearer, as if he was emerging from underwater. When his eyes fully opened, he saw a crowd of purple-robed figures hovering above him.

“AAHH!”

He hadn’t realized he was on a bed until he fell off. He hadn’t realized he had bandages on him until his wounds burst open from the impact. He hadn’t realized that the doors were closed and locked until he started scraping at the knob.

He was trapped.

“Holy shit, when did he get over there?”

“Damn, this guy’s fast. Did we ever have a minion that fast?”

“I don’t think so. He’s fucking ugly too. What’s with all that fur?”

“Give him something to wear! I bet you guys look fucking disgusting under your robes too, fucking assholes!”

The largest minion there, a minion named Siege, pushed aside his comrades and wheeled over to the trembling individual. He held out a set of purple robes.

“Here. They might be a bit big for you, but might as well put them on. If you’re a minion, you’ve got to at least look the part!”

The tiny, furry creature hesitantly reached for the robes. He slowly took them from the minion’s hand and inspected them.

“Well, you don’t look half bad now,” said Siege, nodding his head in satisfaction as the creature finished dressing. “What’s your name, minion?”

He couldn’t remember much. Everything was a blur for him right now, a smudge in his brain. But unwittingly, or perhaps only because he had been asked, a name did surface from the sludge in his mind.

“Teemo,” said the newly-crested purple minion. “My name’s Teemo.”


“Damn it, Teemo! How many times have I told you! You don’t stick the end of a lance into your mouth!”

Once again, the fierce Melee Minion instructor smacked Teemo’s head. The poor minion cowered and sniffed pathetically on the ground.

“Christ, do you have a sucking fetish or something? I’ll have you know every minion’s heart is set for Sona, so your kind isn’t accepted here!”

“That’s not it, Instructor! It’s just…instinct or something…” said Teemo, providing the same excuse he always did. Instinct he said! That pretty much proved it!

Teemo was a gay minion.

Unheard of, but many had already come to terms with it. There were already theories about it, after all. Stuck in a base filled only with male minions, the legendary female minion nowhere in sight, it was only natural that some would end up shooting for the closest side of the spectrum.

Of course, this meant most minions stayed away from Teemo. But then again, he wasn’t a normal minion to begin with.

In the first place, he was total shit when it came to fighting! Wand or lance, the guy couldn’t even beat down a twig! He got slapped around by the wind itself! Even Siege, his one and only advocate, was becoming quieter and quieter with his resistance to Teemo’s uselessness.

“Look, Teemo. I didn’t rescue you from the jungle that day because I thought you’d become a hero or something. I saved you because you needed help. And you’re one of us.”

Siege told him that everyday. Yet, even Teemo could tell that underneath his assuring words, there was something darker squirming.

You piece of shit.

You can’t do anything!

If you can’t fight, then what good are you?

Are you even a minion?

Yes. That was the real question there. The real reason everyone was so wary, so critical, so goddamn antsy around this fucking moron.

Was he even a minion?

He was furry.

He was weak.

He was gay.

None of this made any sense. Teemo couldn’t be a minion. Some even joked that he was the product of Master Yi wanking off in the jungle too much.

Night after night, Teemo cried himself to sleep at the minion barracks. He felt so alone. He felt like an outcast.

“SHUT UP, YOU FUCKING FOGHORN!”

A storm of lances and helmets were flung at his shaking body. Well, it made sense after all. He was always outside the barracks, under the windows, in the cold.

The numbers didn’t lie. His stats showed that Teemo was far stronger than the average minion. Sure, he was a bit squishier, but his attack damage was off the charts. Even Siege wasn’t as strong as Teemo.

So then why?

Why was he so easily beaten during sparring sessions?

Why was he always last during mock tournaments?

Why couldn’t he even hold a wand in his hand for five seconds without it slipping from his fingers just as a lance walloped him in the head?

“I told you, Teemo. Don’t worry about it so much. It doesn’t really matter if you’re useless.”

In the span of a few lines, Siege’s words had gone from partially encouraging to unhindered acceptance. Teemo wanted to curl up into a ball and be thrown into a garbage can.

“As long as you have the minion spirit, we’ll always accept you,” said Siege. They were just outside the minion barracks, having a little pep talk before Teemo’s daily sparring activity.

“Yeah…you say that but you don’t mean it,” said Teemo, a gloomy cloud hovering over his head. The cold, harsh treatment by the other minions had made Teemo more and more cynical with each passing day. What had once been an irremovable smile on his face was now little more than a bland half-frown that refused to change.

“Don’t be such an emo, Teemo,” said Siege, yawning and scratching his back with a long wooden shaft. “Everyone has an unlucky period in their lives. Daffy Duck, Donald Duck, Psyduck, and a bunch of others hit rough spots, but they kept going didn’t they? Into great main characters too.”

No…what are you talking about? They’re all comic relief, thought Teemo. And why all ducks!?

“Wait a minute. What’s that?” asked Teemo, suddenly realizing something off about the current scene.

“Hm? Oh, this? It’s a backscratcher, Teemo,” said Siege, holding up the wooden shaft. “Really gets the spots.”

“It…looks familiar…” said Teemo, peering at the shaft. “Like…something I’ve seen before…”

“Well…” said Siege, suddenly looking flustered. “It’s…you know…I just found it lying around…”

“It’s like…I have some sort of connection to this item,” said Teemo, running his fingers over it.

“I…I don’t know about that. I mean, it’s nothing special really, it’s not like I found it next to your dying body or something.”

“Yeah…I guess so,” said Teemo. “Anyways…I better get going.”

“Wait. Teemo.”

Siege took a deep breath, then held out the shaft.

“Take it.”

“What?” said Teemo, bewildered.

“The truth is, this is yours,” said Siege, placing it gently in Teemo’s hand. “I found it next to you the first time I saw you. I didn’t know it’d be such a great backscratcher. Treasure it.”

“Oh…um…” muttered Teemo, taken aback by the sudden turn of events. “I…I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s fine,” said Siege, turning away.

“Siege…”

“It’s fine, Teemo!” said Siege, huddling closer to himself. “It’s yours!”

Siege…thought Teemo. Of course. It was understandable. Even if it was his backscratcher, it had been a long time since Siege had found Teemo. He must have forged a strong bond with this backscratcher.

Teemo looked down at the shaft. He wanted to give it back. Say he wasn’t worthy of this kind of gift.

But…he felt that doing that would only hurt Siege. To part with this must have taken great effort.

Not to mention…it was his in the first place.

“Sieg-”

“TEEMO! GET THE FUCK OVER HERE! WE NEED YOU TO FEED THE NEWBIES!”

An awkward silence enveloped the two minions. Teemo tried to open his mouth, but couldn’t say anything in such an oppressive atmosphere.

“Okay Siege,” said Teemo finally, his hands clenching tightly over the wooden shaft. He closed his eyes shut to stop the tears from coming out. I can’t cry. No, I won’t cry!

Like the man he could never be, Teemo bit his lip hard then walked away from the barracks, backscratcher held firmly at his side. Yes, like a silent impassive shadow, Teemo would vanish. He would leave Siege, his one and only minion friend, to weep in peace.

Once Teemo’s figure had disappeared from view, Siege looked around to make sure no one was watching. Realizing that everyone had gone to watch Teemo’s fight, he sighed in relief and stood up.

“That was close,” said Siege, putting on a green hat with red-framed goggles. “Good thing he didn’t notice I took this too.”


“Finally. Took your sweet ass time getting here, didn’t you!”

The Instructor gave his best intimidating glare to Teemo; however, this time the minion didn’t even bat an eyelash.

“What…What’s going on?” thought the Instructor, disturbed by Teemo’s callousness. “That look of pure concentration, that incredible tension around his body…when did Teemo change so much!?”

Teemo couldn’t understand it. This wooden shaft…this object that felt so familiar in his hands, as if it was an extension of his body rather than just an overblown twig

What an amazing backscratcher. To be able to comfort someone as huge as Siege. Teemo really wanted to scratch himself.

“Hey! TEEMO!”

He was always covered in fur. It really irritated his skin when he shed, but his arms were so short that he couldn’t reach behind himself.

“Ha! Ready to get your ass kicked today too, bitch?” said Teemo’s opponent for the day. A minion who went by the name Porky. Not because he was fat, but because he was as dirty as one. Such a clean and sparkling minion had never before existed. Porky peered down at Teemo. “Hey, bitch. I asked you a question.”

But was it really a backscratcher? Now that Teemo looked at it closely, the design was pretty strange.

There was a hole where the claw should’ve been.

“HEY! BITCH! I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!” shouted Porky. He panted immediately after the outburst, having expended all of his air in one yell.

Yes, that was really odd. There was a hole on the other side too! It was as if he was supposed to insert something into one end and have it come out the other…

Wait a minute…

Could it be?

“TEEMO! FUCKING PAY ATTENTION TO ME, YOU RETARDED GIANT!”

“Man, Porky’s getting pretty mad,” said one of the onlooking minions.

“Yeah well, you know. He’s always fighting Teemo.”

“You think he likes the attention?”

“…Dude. Isn’t one gay minion enough?”

“…Good point. Let’s just make fun of him.”

“YUSOMADPORKY LOLOLOL!”

“MAADDDDPORKYBROOOO?”

Porky looked around shamefully as more and more cries began coming out from the crowd.

“TEEMO! FIGHT ME, ASSHOLE! FIGHT ME RIGHT NOW!”

Teemo couldn’t hear him. The most important revelation of his life had come to him. A stroke of absolute, blinding genius.

This wasn’t a backscratcher.

This was a weapon!

“I…I remember now…” said Teemo, a rush filling his body. Yes, this was his weapon. The weapon he had long forgotten about, a powerful, amazing weapon with no comparison. It was his signature. It was a part of him.

This is…

“FUCK IT, I’M JUST GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!” screamed Porky.

This is…

He raised his lance and charged at Teemo, shouting at the top of his lungs.

THIS IS

Only legend is left of what happened that day. But most minions believe that said legend is complete fact. Everyone knows that Teemo was the strongest minion ever to exist in the history of Runeterra.

Therefore, his first true attack could have only been this spectacular.

“Holy shit…”

“How far did he get sent flying?”

“…Damn. I didn’t even know we could reach up there.”

Porky had smashed onto the roof of a building behind the Fountain.

The minions couldn’t believe their eyes. Teemo!? Teemo had done this!?

Insanity!

What kind of deus ex machina was this!?

“HACKER!”

“STOP AIMBOTING FAG!”

“GG, TEEMO HACKS FTW!”

“DDOS SOME MOAARRRR!”

But Teemo couldn’t hear the surprised exclamations from the crowd. He couldn’t feel it when the Instructor grabbed his arm, shouting at him to turn off the hacks, only to be blown away into the air like a leaf.

This was it.

He finally remembered what this weapon was.

How could he have forgotten? It had been with him for as long as he could remember. This weapon, which was more than just a weapon…

His best friend

His identity

This explained why he couldn’t fight with a lance or wand. It was because this was his weapon. Everything he possessed in terms of offensive skill had been poured into this single exterior limb. Teemo smiled and twirled the wooden shaft, then snapped the point down.

Yes. There was no doubt about it.

His bo staff was back.


“General Teemo

“Don’t call me that. It’s embarrassing.”

“Sorry. Captain Teemo

“Yes?”

“How will we be proceeding with today’s battle?”

Captain Teemo was in the minion barracks again. However, this time, it was no longer as a minion soldier.

It was as the Minion Squad Leader Top 34. He would be making all strategic decisions for Squad Group 34 at top lane. Although it was named Squad Group 34, it was just a grouping of every minion that was going to be sent to top lane. The 34 was just to promote a sense of unity.

“34ERS! YEAH! 34ERS! YEAH!”

“Why 34 again? Couldn’t we be something…more normal? Like 69.”

“Or 49.”

“Or 100.”

“666.”

“SILENCE FOOLS. You dare defy Captain Teemo’s preference!? Can’t you see that this number has enormous importance to our Minion Leader?”

“Yeah, 34 sounds stupid. Let’s change it.”

“RIGHT AWAY, CAPTAIN TEEMO! DIDN’T YOU HEAR HIM? CHANGE THE FUCKING NUMBER!”

And so, the meeting of Minion Squad Top 57 continued.

“So, don’t you think 57 is just like spicy ketchup?”

“You use 57? Why don’t you use A1?”

“A1!? 57!? You idiots! The only sauce steak needs is its own blood!”

“Captain Teemo! Your preferred steak sauce?”

“I like mushroom sauce.”

“MUSHROOM SAUCE, YOU MORONS! DON’T EVER PUT ANY OTHER SHIT ON STEAK EVER AGAIN!”

“Yes sir…” said one of the minions, chewing on a steak. He leaned over to his neighbor and whispered to him, “But mushroom sauce…seriously? Looks like we’ve got an Eisenhower here.”

“Who?”

“Alright, let’s get back to business,” said Teemo, finishing his steak. “It looks like we’re going to have a tough top lane today.”

“Yeah no shit. Got fucking Darius.”

“What’s wrong with Darius? Darius OP.”

“He’s against Xin Zhao.”

“Yeah, so?”

“YOU THINK PUSSY DARIUS CAN FIGHT AGAINST THE MAN!?”

“Damn it. You’re right. We lost.”

“It’s ok guys. It’s just bad luck that we didn’t get Xin Zhao’s counter.”

“Irelia.”

“Irelia.”

“Flat bitch.”

“Even THE MAN can’t get a boner off that.”

“Don’t worry, guys. I have a plan,” said Captain Teemo, folding his fingers into a bridge. “Although we may face a difficult time in battle today, if everything goes well and everyone follows orders, we can win.”

“Captain Teemo…”

“You really think that?”

“Yes. I do. I have a gut feeling,” said Captain Teemo, vomit streaming from his mouth.

“…I think that’s just E. coli.”

“HERE YOU GO, CAPTAIN TEEMO!”

“Oh…thanks Alfred.”

“FOR YOUR PLEASURE, SIR!”

“Jeez…what a suck-up.”

“Now, rally the troops!” said Captain Teemo, wiping his mouth. “And remember. What’s our motto?”

“REPORTING FOR DUTY!” roared the minions.

“REPORTING FOR DUTY!” shouted Captain Teemo. He stood up with a swirl of his purple robes and stepped out into the light.

“It’s time to fight.”


Captain Teemo was famous for never coming up with a strategy until the last second. And there was a good reason for that.

It was because he left everything to instinct.

“COME ON, COME ON! GET YOUR ASSES MOVING! CAPTAIN TEEMO’S LEADING THE FIRST WAVE!”

“REPORTING FOR DUTY!” shouted the first minion wave. They were all eager for today’s battle. Although Captain Teemo always went into battle, that didn’t make it any less exciting to walk along the strongest minion in history.

“Man, can’t wait to see what the Captain pulls off today.”

“Remember last week’s battle? That staff battle was insane.”

“Seriously! Wukong got his ass kicked!”

“Man. I wonder how Captain Teemo got so strong.”

“Isn’t it obvious, you idiots? Hard work, perseverance, and an unbreakable will!”

“Yeah. That must be it!”

“I knew Captain Teemo when he was just a minion. I’ll tell you, we always thought he wouldn’t get anywhere. But he never gave up. And look at where he is now!”

“Wow! That’s amazing! You knew Captain Teemo?”

“Hell yeah! I was his best buddy.”

“OH. MY. GOD. You’re Siege!?

“…Who?”

Suddenly, a hush came over the first wave of minions. A shadow had appeared among their ranks. The minions immediately split apart, to make room for the last minion in the wave.

Captain Teemo. He bounced out, his robe waving behind him like a cape, bo staff tied to his back.

“CAPTAIN TEEMO!” shouted the minions.

“REPORTING FOR DUTY!” shouted Captain Teemo.

“REPORTING FOR DUTY!”

“Good. You’re all excellent minions!” said Captain Teemo, nodding in satisfaction .”Carry on!”

The minions began walking again, although now, there was an air of giddy excitement. Captain Teemo! In the flesh!

“Man, you think he’ll sign my robe?”

“You know, I heard Captain Teemo was gay. I think I’ll go gay too!”

“What!? Shut the fuck up! I’m going gay first!”

“CAPTAIN TEEMO, YOU ARE AWESOME!”

“HEY, I WANTED TO SAY HE’S AWESOME FIRST!”

“SHUT UP, YOU STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUAL! CAPTAIN TEEEMOO!”

Ah… thought Teemo as he walked past his minion soldiers. It’s really something to be able to hear everyone’s support. They’re all so different and energetic.

But…

I’m not gay, thought Teemo, weeping silently.

“Captain Teemo.”

“Alfred. You don’t think I’m gay, do you?”

“I can say with no hesitation whatsoever, without a shadow of a doubt in mind, with the utmost confidence, that you are assuredly, unquestionably gay. But do not worry, Captain Teemo. Even if there are others who try to copy you, they will never be as rainbow, as Bohemian, as curvy a line as you are.”

ALFREEEEEEEEEEED!

All the power and influence in the world, yet this was one misunderstanding he couldn’t recover from! Teemo sighed. Well, changing from the hopeless, wimpy minion he had used to be into the powerful, cunning, fearless Captain Teemo…he supposed there had to be some sacrifices.

“Moving on from your mindblowingly blatant homosexuality

IT’S TOO MUCH OF A SACRIFICE!

“Captain Teemo. What is your plan for today’s battle?”

“Oh…the plan,” said Teemo after he had finished shedding a puddle of tears on the ground. “Don’t worry, Alfred. I’ve already thought of a plan.”

Yes. He could feel it. It was an itch in the very core of his body.

The ultimate strategy. The lynchpin for victory.

Teemo stood up and looked back at all the minions waiting behind him. He could see from the expressions on their faces that they were serious. They were ready to follow him to the death. Normally this would have pressured any normal minion. Any Minion Leader would have had at least the slightest twinge of fear, fear for failure, fear for the crushing burden of their lives in his hands.

But Captain Teemo had no such fears.

Because he knew.

He knew that his plan, born from the instincts created within him from the experience and wisdom of his ancestors, was foolproof.

“Minions! Gather!”

The minions gathered into a huddle.

“Listen to me. Our champion, Darius, is arriving as we speak. He is waiting for us to engage the minions. We cannot fail him. We are minions! Supporting the champion is our duty!”

“YES, SIR!”

“Now, listen. Once I have told you my plan, we must act quickly! Not a second must be spared! Do you understand me?”

“YES, SIR!”

“Good. Now, once more.”

“REPORTING FOR DUTY!”

“REPORTING FOR DUTY!” shouted Teemo. Yes. They could do it. With this much spirit, anything was possible. It would be a perfect win for Purple Team’s top lane.

“Alright. Come, minions!”

The plan was simple. There was no way any mistake could be made. Such an amazing plan, even Teemo was frightened by its ingenuity.

This plan would change the face of League of Legends as they knew it.

“Listen, minions! These are your Captain’s orders!”

“YES, SIR!” The minions listened attentively. This was it. His instincts were prickling. It was time.

Teemo flicked his hand out and shouted at the top of his lungs:

“GO! RUN AND HIDE IN THAT BUSH, NOW!”

Instantly, the wave of minions charged the first bush, piling into it like Sona’s fanclub during the Arcade Sona PAX giveaway.

“Is everyone here?” said Teemo, crouching down in the bush.

“Yes, everyone is accounted for!”

“Good. Initiate part two of the plan.”

The whispers went down through the ranks. Captain Teemo’s orders were acknowledged.

Every minion stood still and waited two seconds to stealth.

“Now…we wait,” said Captain Teemo.

We wait.


“WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY MINIONS!?”

Darius had been in top lane for five minutes. Yet, not a single purple minion could be found.

A mistake. That’s what he had thought at first. Perhaps they had come out late. But then, a minute had passed. The other lanes already had their minions clashing furiously.

So then, where were his!?

“Captain Teemo, Darius is being pushed back to his turret.”

“Wait.”

“Yes, sir.”

Another minute passed.

“Captain Teemo, Darius has been hugging the turret since the beginning of the game. He has exactly 0 CS.”

“Keep waiting.”

“Yes, sir.”

Another minute passed.

“Captain Teemo, Xin Zhao has killed Darius under the turret.”

“Endure it.”

“Yes, sir.”

Five minutes passed.

“Captain Teemo, the Blue Team sent all five champions to top lane and dove Darius. The turret is now destroyed.”

“Good. Tell everyone they’re doing well. Keep waiting.”

“Yes, sir.”

The fifteen-minute mark had been reached.

“Captain Teemo, the second top turret has been destroyed. Purple team is in complete disarray and Darius is 0/25/0.”

“That’s great news! Isn’t that great, guys?”

“Shall we keep waiting, sir?”

Captain Teemo stood up, his robe flowing down behind him. Feeling the full pack hanging to his side, Teemo decided that it was time to start part three of the plan.

“Jeez, Darius. You fucking suck. Worst top lane ever.”

“Feed more, you noob. This is why I hate low ELO.”

“FUCK YOU! MY FUCKING MINIONS WOULDN’T COME OUT! THIS IS FUCKING RIGGED!”

“Why do you suck so bad? Uninstall, please.”

“Never go out again, Darius. Piece of shit.”

“0/45/0 LOL. SO BAD.”

“FUCKING RETARDED DARIUS. HOW COULD YOU LOSE YOUR TOWER TEN MINUTES IN? WORST FUCKING PLAYER EVER.”

“STFU! I TOLD YOU ALREADY, I DIDN’T HAVE ANY MINIONS! YOU GUYS SUCK! SO BAD LEESIN AND LEBLANC.”

“LOL AT THIS NOOB TRYING TO TALK SHIT! Just shut up, kid. Don’t even know how to play a broken champ.”

“I’M 25/0 WITH DARIUS, NOOBS!”

“Still crying, kid?”

“I’M NOT CRYING, YOU GUYS JUST SUCK TOO MUCH.”

“You mad?”

“YOU MAD BROO?”

“FUCK YOU GUYS! I FUCKING TOLD YOU, IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T HAVE ANY FUCKING MINI

“YOUR TEAM HAS DESTROYED AN ENEMY TURRET!”

The champions gathered inside the Purple Base looked at one another.

“…What?”

“DON’T FEAR! KEEP THROWING MUSHROOMS!” shouted Captain Teemo. The second turret exploded as dozens of mushrooms peppered its surface. The enemy blue minions were screaming in pain as the shroom poison attacked their bodies.

PART THREE OF THE ULTIMATE TEEMO PLAN

  • Gather mushroom traps.
  • Distribute among minions.
  • ????
  • PROFIT!

Hundreds of minions had been in that single bush. Stealthed, they had been unnoticed by Xin Zhao and the rest of his team. Mushroom traps had been gathered until each minion had an arsenal of three mushrooms each.

THE ULTIMATE ARTILLERY TEAM.

200 + (80% AP) MAGIC DoT!

A flood of purple minions were rushing down top lane.

“STOP! GET BACK TO BASE, RIGHT NOW! THE PURPLE MINIONS ARE AT OUR BASE!”

“YOUR INHIBITOR HAS BEEN DESTROYED!”

“HOLY SHIT, SO MANY SHROOMS!”

“FIGHT UNDER THE TURRET! FIGHT UNDERAAAAAGGHHH!”

In less than 5 minutes, the entire Blue base was wiped out. The Nexus was quickly taken and the battle ended.

“I can’t believe it…”

Warwick, the poison seeping throughout his body, could only manage three more words before he expired. The three words that were echoed by all of his teammates that day

“Purple…minions…OP.”


Carnage. Destruction. That was all that waited for them at the end of a battle. Even with dozens of battle under his belt now, Captain Teemo still found such a sight hard to swallow.

So many female minions. Dead.

It was no wonder there were so many minions crying around him.

“IT WAS THE POISON! I…I DIDN’T WANT TO KILL THEM!”

“It’s ok…It’s fine!” cried another minion, patting his friend’s shoulder. “They’ll be back…you know they will…”

“BUT WE WON’T BE HERE!”

Yes. That was the curse of the Purple Team. They would never see or remember the Blue Team’s beautiful, prized selection of female minions ever again.

“Captain Teemo…do you want to take your leave first?”

“…No. I’ll stay here, with everyone else.” While he would forget faster by leaving first, he didn’t want to let his fellow minions suffer alone.

“Captain Teemo…you don’t have to force yourself.”

“No. It’s fine, Alfred. I’ll stay here.”

“Cap…CAPTAIN!”

“CAPTAIN TEEMOO!”

“YOU’RE TOO GOOD TO US!”

“He’s staying with us…even though…I’m so ashamed,” cried one of the minions to Alfred. “If only I could be as good as Captain Teemo.”

“Then look. And don’t ever forget. Captain Teemo is a minion that cares for his comrades!” whispered Alfred, tears streaming from his eyes. “Even though he’s gay, he stays among these dead female bodies at his own suffering!”

Teemo knelt down and began crying freely with his bo staff clenched to his chest.

“Look at his frustration! His fury at having taken the lives of so many innocents! So admirable!” said Alfred, touched to his heart. “Captain Teemo! Don’t cry! WE HAVE WON TODAY!”

“Sniff…Alfred…” said Teemo in a watery voice. “Alfred…I’ve been so stupid…”

“No, Captain Teemo. You are a light to us all. You have done well,” said Alfred, patting Teemo’s head.

“I…I didn’t know. Throwing all those poison mushrooms hurt my arm so much, I just…”

“I understand your pain, sir.”

Teemo held his hand to his mouth and grew silent. Yes. Alfred was right. He had done well. He couldn’t let this one screw-up ruin his future.

He was a minion now. It didn’t matter if things had changed. All that mattered was the future. And how he would confront it.

Teemo gripped the wooden shaft tighter to his chest.

Yes, he would continue on his path. Even if he had found out he could blow poison darts with his bo staff.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s